so . where do i belong after this ? as you all might know , the ipg's result has been out yesterday and guess what ? i didnt get through it because .. because yeah you know the qualification . but i didnt sad yet so happy . i just didnt know what i have to feel like . maybe the god above wants me to just study more and more , learning what i should learn . as you all know my deep passion in english . alhamdulillah it didnt die yet . in sha Allah never because english is one of the parts of my life and it is just damn hard to get rid of it from my life .

what happened to berry ? nothings interesting happened except now im working part time . just wanted some savings for myself beside doing nothing at home . my writings now seem damn plain and i just dont know why . but im still active on wattpad , writing stories . i think im not going to be active more on twitter because i couldnt stand hearing watching looking at those damn fooking rumors about the boys . haha . guess i shouldnt be laughing right now because basically my life is a little bit trash with a little problems and etc .

writing this while hearing to little things and it made me wanna cerayyy :( but from what i have learnt from the past few years , there will always be a rainbow after the rain . you know , you get to smell the petrichor after the rain and it is damn amazing . you know what , i have that feeling . that feeling when you are sad but you have no idea why . you feel so fucking empty , but nothing in particular happened . they ask you whats wrong , but you cant even explain . or they dont even ask anything , i dont know which one is worse . it just feels like i miss someone i never met . its hurting myself inside and out .

the feeling of loneliness hovers over me , takes control over me . i dont even care . i isolate myself on purpose . sadness becomes my only and only friend . i know i have others but i just cant bother em anymore you know . when im sad or feeling damn down , it takes everything in me to just keep my mouth shut and not telling anyone about it . i start hating myself . i mean the bad parts of mine and i want everyone to just leave me alone . at the same time , i want someone to hug me and to tell me that everythings gona be okay . everythings gona be alright . i simply hate that feeling . that feeling when you you dont even know what the fuck you are feeling .

this kinda anxiety happens when im alone and feel unwanted . i know that i will always have my parents and my friends but till when i should depend on em ? they are just human . weak . damn weak . so this was when i figure it all out . at the end , you will just have the God with you . just HIM . no one else .

so , just keep your faith in HIM and just pray for the best . May Allah ease everything for you and me , so that everythings bad happened will just turn out to be a rainbow one day . a rainbow that could make you feel slight happy and euphoric . and just smile . trust me . there's a rainbow after the rain xx